In the past month (I guess that’s how long it has been) I have
-Gotten in a car accident (ruled to be not my fault) which resulted in brain trauma. I am still working through recovery from that, and it usually takes about 3 months.
-Been regularly attending Alcoholics Anonymous and another 12 Step group which I do not wish to disclose on this blog. I realized I was a dry drunk/addict, meaning I had quit drinking and other harmful behaviors, but had not truly worked on them. While I found positivity in not drinking, there was always a “Why do I feel this emptiness all of the time?” “Why can’t I be like everyone else and have just one?” And AA and the other program have helped me to see that I am not at all unique. I have addiction problems and there IS an answer (however controversial). 12 Step programs (AA and the other).
-Been moving apartments to live with my lover.
So I’m doing a lot. I work on the farm (still love it, lots of stories), I play trombone professionally, I’m moving, and I just started true recovery for addiction. All the while, still bipolar…
This blog and all of my connections here certainly slipped. I wish I kept up with it all of this time. Dealing with the frustrations of a slow healing brain trauma, struggling to look myself in the eye as an ADDICT, no matter how clean, and the stress of working my ass off certainly could have used an outlet.
It sounds like my life has been all bad lately. Look at it this way:
-I have a job I love and my boss is great.
-I have rooms full or supportive people just like myself (but so different) available most hours of the day and night.
-I have found this new recovery, this active approach to healing and letting “the great whatever” in to help.
-I am moving to a bigger, better location which my pets will like more and the traffic there isn’t half as bad as it is at my current place. And I’ll be with my lover 🙂
The brain trauma sucks no matter how you look at it… I stopped for a police car with siren/lights on running a red light (my green light) and a monster truck rear ended me in my Toyota Camry. And my seat belt didn’t lock so my head bounced here, there, and yonder. And now I have moments of tantrums and outbursts on top of a mental illness and the whole thing is just sour grapes.
Anyway I wanted to update. I will make time for blogging because 1) connecting is good for me 2) writing is good for me. (And I love it.)