overdue hello

In the past month (I guess that’s how long it has been) I have

-Gotten in a car accident (ruled to be not my fault) which resulted in brain trauma. I am still working through recovery from that, and it usually takes about 3 months.

-Been regularly attending Alcoholics Anonymous and another 12 Step group which I do not wish to disclose on this blog. I realized I was a dry drunk/addict, meaning I had quit drinking and other harmful behaviors, but had not truly worked on them. While I found positivity in not drinking, there was always a “Why do I feel this emptiness all of the time?” “Why can’t I be like everyone else and have just one?” And AA and the other program have helped me to see that I am not at all unique. I have addiction problems and there IS an answer (however controversial). 12 Step programs (AA and the other). 

-Been moving apartments to live with my lover.

So I’m doing a lot. I work on the farm (still love it, lots of stories), I play trombone professionally, I’m moving, and I just started true recovery for addiction. All the while, still bipolar…

This blog and all of my connections here certainly slipped. I wish I kept up with it all of this time. Dealing with the frustrations of a slow healing brain trauma, struggling to look myself in the eye as an ADDICT, no matter how clean, and the stress of working my ass off certainly could have used an outlet.

It sounds like my life has been all bad lately. Look at it this way:

-I have a job I love and my boss is great.

-I have rooms full or supportive people just like myself (but so different) available most hours of the day and night.

-I have found this new recovery, this active approach to healing and letting “the great whatever” in to help.

-I am moving to a bigger, better location which my pets will like more and the traffic there isn’t half as bad as it is at my current place. And I’ll be with my lover ๐Ÿ™‚

The brain trauma sucks no matter how you look at it… I stopped for a police car with siren/lights on running a red light (my green light) and a monster truck rear ended me in my Toyota Camry. And my seat belt didn’t lock so my head bounced here, there, and yonder. And now I have moments of tantrums and outbursts on top of a mental illness and the whole thing is just sour grapes.

Anyway I wanted to update. I will make time for blogging because 1) connecting is good for me 2) writing is good for me. (And I love it.)

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10 comments

  1. stashmatters · April 24, 2015

    I was wondering about you! I went to your blog a few times to check but didn’t see any updates… wasn’t sure if you were busy living life.
    Sorry to hear about the car accident – yikes! I hope healing goes well.
    Glad you’re still enjoying the farm – would like to hear stories!
    Take care.

    Like

  2. Melancholic Madness · April 24, 2015

    I was worrying, you haven’t posted in ages! I’m so sorry you were in the accident, I hope you recover. Lots of love xx

    Like

  3. tirurit · April 25, 2015

    Looks like you are getting yourself sorted and you know what steps you should be taking now. So congrats on all that (not easy I know from experience) and go on!

    *lots of hugs*

    Like

  4. blahpolar · April 26, 2015

    Huzzah! The errant cosmetics cowgirl hath returned (or at least popped in to say hi and steal the valuables). I’m so sorry to hear about your tbi … you sound sensible and focused though – a few epiphanies in there, I think? It’d be good to see more of you, but offline has gotta come first. Take care xox

    Like

  5. missjoidivine · April 27, 2015

    I’m glad you’re back! I’ve missed your posts. I hope everything continues to get better for you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  6. alexandriawilliams2014 · May 5, 2015

    Oof, that sounds like a really nasty couple of weeks, I’m so sorry! It is nice to see you posting again though ๐Ÿ™‚ Sending positive vibes your way, I hope everything starts to look up very soon. ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

    Like

  7. Bemused · May 16, 2015

    ~Waves~ !!! Hey ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  8. blahpolar · July 13, 2015

    Hey bud, where the fuck are you??

    Like

    • MarthasMakeup · July 18, 2015

      you’ll hate this but my main project right now is tapering off all meds. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ and doing nicotine clinical studies for money, ha. I miss the blogosphere and you. might start a new blog soon… (on WP) will post here if I do. I hope you are well, blah.

      Liked by 2 people

      • blahpolar · July 18, 2015

        Noooooo Martha i don’t hate ๐Ÿ™‚

        Like

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