baseball, sobriety, and red lights

I watched my first baseball game of the season (spring training) today. I watched it sober, for the first time in my adult life. I noticed that something was weird during the game, but I didn’t know what was different. As soon as the game ended (10-6, Red Sox-Yankees), I immediately knew. I wasn’t trashed.

I always got trashed when the Red Sox won. I always got trashed when they lost. I was with them no matter what.

I started to freak out a little, and then I started to freak out A LOT.

I had to go to CVS to pick up some prescriptions. I cried in the drive through twice. I decided to take the quieter route back to my house. I wanted to attend an AA meeting, but I had a rehearsal from 7:30-9:30. It was 6:30.

My panic attack over losing my sobriety over baseball really kicked my ass on the way home. I was no longer crying, but I was not really paying attention to driving anymore. It did not cross my mind to pull over.

All of a sudden, everyone in my rear view mirror was stopped.

I ran a red light during rush hour.

I didn’t die.

I called my lover, he said it was okay. I said I want to go to a meeting but I have to go to rehearsal.

I went to rehearsal.

I called the police and told the policewoman what I did. She said it was okay. I am such a fucking self-narc. But she said I wouldn’t get a ticket.

And now I realize that “the great whatever” was looking out for me today. “The great whatever” wants me to go to AA meetings and connect with alcoholics like myself and make my sobriety feel like a solid foundation.

I have not been going to AA meetings.

Dis bitch is going to an AA meeting first thing in the morning.

Thank you, “the great whatever.”

Also, thank you baseball season for always giving me something to look forward to. I will be the best sober Red Sox fan of all time. That is a challenge.

And I really, really hope one of these job opportunities pulls through. I’ve been going at it 25/8 on the applications. Ya girl needs a call back.

Love always,




  1. blahpolar · March 12, 2015

    Awwwww Marthaaaa – you STAR! I love that post; you took a negative and worked it through to being positive … without making me vomit xD

    But seriously, I really am impressed with you for it. Thou art wide beyond thy years, hipsterkid. And congratufuckinglations on your sobriety. Congratulations every damn day. You’re wise as well as bright, because you found very good solutions to The Baseball Effect.

    I hope you get a call back soon.



  2. Zoe · March 12, 2015

    You can do this, Martha. We will be cheering you on from here. ❤


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