my blood is turning into this

Has it really been only 6 days since Christmas? (I got this blender for Christmas.) My body composition is now mainly spinach and avocados, and yes, I feel slightly superior for this.

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According to the infomercial, drinks made with this thing are called “nutriblasts.” So I always say “BLASTOFF” at this step. Always. It fits, and it makes me feel good.

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Anyone notice that I’m rocking Batgirl pajama tops and Wonder Woman pajama bottoms? I couldn’t choose. Wonder Woman shits all over her, yes, but the Batgirl pajamas have little bats all over them.

True story: my attic at my parents’ was infested with bats. I sometimes went up there to do sneaky things that I won’t mention, because HI, MOM. I never thought to tell anyone about the bat “problem.” They were chill. There was an albino one. I swear I’m not making this up. There were dozens, hanging upside down, sleepin’ the day away, just like me. I relate to the albino one. We don’t fit in, but we’re cooler. Also, I am blindingly white.

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One comment

  1. blahpolar · January 1, 2015

    I expect you’ll be green soon.

    Like

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